For many years I was confused as to what type of relationship I was in. I grew up thinking that an abusive relationship, was only concerned with whether or not you had experienced physical violence, and if there were no signs of such events it was impossible for this to be considered as abusive.
In my late teenage years this perception of an abusive relationship, in my mind held strong, because I never thought as myself as being weak (another controversial stereotype of what I perceived a woman to be if they are in an abusive relationship and remained). So my perception had a great disadvantage in my awareness of my experience. Therefore, the complexities of such a relationship were difficult to conceive as my lived experience.
It wasn’t until I started to speak out about it and have other people’s reactions that I decided to seek help and support, when the laws came into effect regarding Coercive control and its definition, I realised straight away what type of relationship I was in.
My subconscious beliefs or better still my subconscious programming gave me permission to ignore the warning signs of my abusive relationship. To not realise what was happening to me, incrementally for nearly two decades.
By the time I decided to leave my relationship, I felt as though I just existed. I would always justify my experiences as ‘things are not that bad’ the very fact that I even felt this way showed early warning signs, but again these were ignored....
It’s not that bad were the most detrimental words that I could have said to myself. Even though pictures were taken of me when returning from the hair dressers to show me how bad I looked but portrayed in a way that the advice was helping me.
I remember being on the phone to doctors after I had to leave my family due to episodes of my ex-partner’s drunken behaviour got too much to bare. I said to the doctor I felt as though I only had 5% of me left and this felt as though it was deteriorating as the phone call came to an end. Leaving my home with my children, was truly the hardest experience of my life. The hardest decision was to ‘Break Free’.
If you asked me back then if I felt better when I left, the answer would have been no, setting up home when your broken is hard, looking after two young children when you are broken is hard, dealing the abusive texts and threats after you have left is hard, experiencing the trauma, the panic attacks, the weight loss, all while you are broken is hard, having to support two children financially is hard, having to go to court to fight for your home is hard.
Being told by the courts to remain in the home with the one person you trying to ‘Break Free’ from breaks you further.
I had to change my subconscious beliefs which then in turn changed my life.
I am here to help and support you while holding true and never giving up on my passion in serving women and men based on my 18 years’ experience to 'Break Free’ from a coercive controlling relationship, the primary focus should be on the importance of the inner game, in order for a new paradigm to be formed..
My finally message!!
Everything that you want to succeed in your life is already within you, and it is
Much Love Lis xx